I've been internalising a really complicated situation in my head...

How do those of us who experience such horrendous situations as homicide - rape - sexual abuse - continue to stay mentally capable especially when the personal experience then collides with the political understanding of the situation we find ourselves living through?

Take for example Jordan's murder. As a young Māori rangatahi his death crippled his whanau. But his death also spoke about this county's attitude to poverty, discrimination, colonisation and racism.
The marrying of the personal horror of such a horrendous event with the political fabric that underpinned his death - the racist courts that failure to dish out justice due to centuries of institutional racism - the poverty - colonisation - violence in society from males towards males - classism - joblessness - the devastation of small rural communities and issues of masculinity - meant that whilst I sat in court wanting nothing more than to rage against the gang member that killed him another pat of me would look with horror on the complexity of all that was.

Sexual abuse - the personal effects of abuse can be long lasting and for many the scars are so deep they may never fully heal. but when some of us mostly those of us who are politically minded towards social justice begin to unpack the issues that rest around and behind abuse we can again find ourselves in a grey spoace were an ongoing battle between

 yet our political analysis means we demand justice for the victims and the perpetrators - yet silently wish our own fathers to be beaten to death. Or spend years living with the guilt of leaving our siblings behind as we finally made it out the gate.
These issues are constant in my life but have been fully reignited after watching The Poker House - the intersection of the political and personal is mindfucking for those of us who have and do live on both sides of the political and personal.
I know there are no simple answers - those who follow that road do us the victims of these horrendous life experiences an injustice and if the answers were that simple well there would be only one group needed SST (yes I think sst is devoid of any political analysis of the complexity of some peoples lives mainly Māori - poor - queer - women's lives) - so I realise there is no bandage to place on such open wounds - just thinking aloud as FB allows.
I am trying to work through this dilemma as part of a book I am trying to write

THE PERSONAL IS ALWAYS

Then this morning I was watching some wankie psychologist prattle on about how parents just need to say NO to their children asking persistently for toys they really do not need. This she suggested would lead to well-rounded young people who could determine between ‘want’ and ‘need’. As I yelled at the TV I wondered how the FUK these people (psychologists) get away with such simplistic bullshit. Oh that’s right the premise rest solely on the individual being ‘fully’ responsible for themselves – (there is no outside force acting on the child’s desire) in this case it is the PARENT (aka mother) who must tame the demanding beast (aka child) of its desires.

Question: if the parent is successful in taming said desires, how the fuk did we all end up with credit cards CONSUMING?

Oh that’s right we ignored the underlying issues of capitalisms need for consumerism instead focusing solely on the individual and blaming the parent for the screaming child.

Fuking bollix. This obsession with blaming the individual as if the individual is free of all political influences is fukin annoying. But just the other day I found myself doing similar after watching - The Poker House. I immediately to OMG what a bitch of a mother – how could you do that…blah blah blah…

See yesterday as I lay quietly dying in my bed I decided to watch one of Jennifer Lawrence’s other movies.  The story is based on Lori Petty's (actress) teenage years.

Agnes is a 14 year old girl, aspiring basketball player with straight As. She has 2 younger sisters which she tries to protect from the life her mother leads. Her mom is a prostitute who brings home different men every night. Her pimp comes in and smacks her around takes whatever money she has and she takes it because she is in love with him. Sadly things get worse.

The scene that broke me was not when Agnes is raped NO – it is when she is sittign in the bath after beign raped and her mum walks in and she pleads for a mother thrusting her arms towards her  in the hope that she will draw in and hold her.

No such luck as mother dear is a selfish uncaring woman with a heroine addicted - not a mother – to get the full picture you have to see the movie.

Of course my initial reaction to that moment was informed from my own personal experiences of unloving parents. My reaction to the movie was primal / personal devoid of any political analysis of the hardship our working class parents go through – my answer at that moment was simplistic  just like the wanking of the ‘expert’ psychologist was devoid of an analysis of the capitalist system and consumerism.

Today we are understood to all be ‘ill’ and in need of fixing  because our parents did not give us enough or gave us too little. People are therapized into accepting life within a bubble - sanitised of any political analysis of the environment we live in. the purpose of therapy is to understand ourselves as victims and then our duty is to return to the very society that created our issues and live life to the full. But is life full when we merely see our issues as merely personal? Eg: the parent is bad or the victim needs mending – is that the only answer? I would argue that it is not.

Of course it is unacceptable to harm our children in the ways many of us have been harmed and many children will be harmed today or tomorrow. But should healing be devoid of any political analysis? Once upon a time in a far off century Rape Crisis didn’t believe so – hence the personal is political and consciousness raising groups interwove the personal and the political.  

OH HOW THOSE TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

Agnes’s mother became a junkie – why and how? How can we prevent the Agnes’s of the world from joining her? We of course see in the film that Agnes has something special that helps her move beyond – at least for that day. But what of the Agnes’s who do not have that something special? What of her mother’s recovery? Is it inevitable that she will die? Will therapy help her fit back into a world that has up until now rejected her?

So what of contemporary therapy? Does it not fall short? What are the experts selling parents when they say JUST STOP BUYING YOUR KIDS THOSE TOYS THEY DEMAND? And ignore the underlying issues of capitalisms NEED for us to consume.  Are they not overlooking the new issues of identity through consumerism which children face when they turn on the TV or event their computer?  Remember they head to school where they may be rejected from social groupings because they do not have the latest bag / book / toy? And is it enough to say ‘get over it’ when in fact we all have credit cards so that we can consume whenever and however for whatever we want?
The simplistic answer is to tell parents NOT to buy things therefore the child will learn restraint and eventually acceptance. Bollocks many of us learnt to steal because whether you goodie 2 shoes like it or not ACCEPTANCE into a social group is all you want when you are young. Just go and watch the brutish way the playground is formed and continues to flow and flux. Then visit your local sports club, bar or women’s reading or walking circle and see who is in or out.

Neither of the two issues can be answered with simplistically because both are part of the fabric of a sexist, racist classist society.   Both issues are part and parcel of people’s everyday lives and whilst some young people will rise above and win over their personal experiences not all of us did. Whilst I am not suggesting that we drag our kids through political fire, so as to understand why someone raped them or denied them toys therefore ‘othering’ them,  I do think that psychologists who wank on about such issues need to remind us all that there is no one size fits all and that our personal issues are also poltical. By not doing so we continue to weave a false sense of society and we continue to merely focusing on the personal we create a society devoid of analytical analysis for change. These people have power and they are misusing it and doing people more damage. By

The women who became an addict and abused or allowed her children to be abused has a past and that past is formed just like her children’s within a society that exists on hierarchy’s male dominance over female liberation – women are still being raped NOT because men are biologically rapists but because society still tolerates rape. Crime is created by denying things to our children in a society that sets double stands – deny - deny - deny – but when you are old enough - get a credit card and buy - buy - buy and in so doing become somebody.

THE PERSONAL IS ALWAYS POLITCAL AND THE POLITICAL IS PERSONAL