I've been internalising a really complicated situation in my head...

How do those of us who experience such horrendous situations as homicide - rape - sexual abuse - continue to stay mentally capable especially when the personal experience then collides with the political understanding of the situation we find ourselves living through?

Take for example Jordan's murder. As a young Māori rangatahi his death crippled his whanau. But his death also spoke about this county's attitude to poverty, discrimination, colonisation and racism.
The marrying of the personal horror of such a horrendous event with the political fabric that underpinned his death - the racist courts that failure to dish out justice due to centuries of institutional racism - the poverty - colonisation - violence in society from males towards males - classism - joblessness - the devastation of small rural communities and issues of masculinity - meant that whilst I sat in court wanting nothing more than to rage against the gang member that killed him another pat of me would look with horror on the complexity of all that was.

Sexual abuse - the personal effects of abuse can be long lasting and for many the scars are so deep they may never fully heal. but when some of us mostly those of us who are politically minded towards social justice begin to unpack the issues that rest around and behind abuse we can again find ourselves in a grey spoace were an ongoing battle between

 yet our political analysis means we demand justice for the victims and the perpetrators - yet silently wish our own fathers to be beaten to death. Or spend years living with the guilt of leaving our siblings behind as we finally made it out the gate.
These issues are constant in my life but have been fully reignited after watching The Poker House - the intersection of the political and personal is mindfucking for those of us who have and do live on both sides of the political and personal.
I know there are no simple answers - those who follow that road do us the victims of these horrendous life experiences an injustice and if the answers were that simple well there would be only one group needed SST (yes I think sst is devoid of any political analysis of the complexity of some peoples lives mainly Māori - poor - queer - women's lives) - so I realise there is no bandage to place on such open wounds - just thinking aloud as FB allows.
I am trying to work through this dilemma as part of a book I am trying to write

THE PERSONAL IS ALWAYS

Then this morning I was watching some wankie psychologist prattle on about how parents just need to say NO to their children asking persistently for toys they really do not need. This she suggested would lead to well-rounded young people who could determine between ‘want’ and ‘need’. As I yelled at the TV I wondered how the FUK these people (psychologists) get away with such simplistic bullshit. Oh that’s right the premise rest solely on the individual being ‘fully’ responsible for themselves – (there is no outside force acting on the child’s desire) in this case it is the PARENT (aka mother) who must tame the demanding beast (aka child) of its desires.

Question: if the parent is successful in taming said desires, how the fuk did we all end up with credit cards CONSUMING?

Oh that’s right we ignored the underlying issues of capitalisms need for consumerism instead focusing solely on the individual and blaming the parent for the screaming child.

Fuking bollix. This obsession with blaming the individual as if the individual is free of all political influences is fukin annoying. But just the other day I found myself doing similar after watching - The Poker House. I immediately to OMG what a bitch of a mother – how could you do that…blah blah blah…

See yesterday as I lay quietly dying in my bed I decided to watch one of Jennifer Lawrence’s other movies.  The story is based on Lori Petty's (actress) teenage years.

Agnes is a 14 year old girl, aspiring basketball player with straight As. She has 2 younger sisters which she tries to protect from the life her mother leads. Her mom is a prostitute who brings home different men every night. Her pimp comes in and smacks her around takes whatever money she has and she takes it because she is in love with him. Sadly things get worse.

The scene that broke me was not when Agnes is raped NO – it is when she is sittign in the bath after beign raped and her mum walks in and she pleads for a mother thrusting her arms towards her  in the hope that she will draw in and hold her.

No such luck as mother dear is a selfish uncaring woman with a heroine addicted - not a mother – to get the full picture you have to see the movie.

Of course my initial reaction to that moment was informed from my own personal experiences of unloving parents. My reaction to the movie was primal / personal devoid of any political analysis of the hardship our working class parents go through – my answer at that moment was simplistic  just like the wanking of the ‘expert’ psychologist was devoid of an analysis of the capitalist system and consumerism.

Today we are understood to all be ‘ill’ and in need of fixing  because our parents did not give us enough or gave us too little. People are therapized into accepting life within a bubble - sanitised of any political analysis of the environment we live in. the purpose of therapy is to understand ourselves as victims and then our duty is to return to the very society that created our issues and live life to the full. But is life full when we merely see our issues as merely personal? Eg: the parent is bad or the victim needs mending – is that the only answer? I would argue that it is not.

Of course it is unacceptable to harm our children in the ways many of us have been harmed and many children will be harmed today or tomorrow. But should healing be devoid of any political analysis? Once upon a time in a far off century Rape Crisis didn’t believe so – hence the personal is political and consciousness raising groups interwove the personal and the political.  

OH HOW THOSE TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

Agnes’s mother became a junkie – why and how? How can we prevent the Agnes’s of the world from joining her? We of course see in the film that Agnes has something special that helps her move beyond – at least for that day. But what of the Agnes’s who do not have that something special? What of her mother’s recovery? Is it inevitable that she will die? Will therapy help her fit back into a world that has up until now rejected her?

So what of contemporary therapy? Does it not fall short? What are the experts selling parents when they say JUST STOP BUYING YOUR KIDS THOSE TOYS THEY DEMAND? And ignore the underlying issues of capitalisms NEED for us to consume.  Are they not overlooking the new issues of identity through consumerism which children face when they turn on the TV or event their computer?  Remember they head to school where they may be rejected from social groupings because they do not have the latest bag / book / toy? And is it enough to say ‘get over it’ when in fact we all have credit cards so that we can consume whenever and however for whatever we want?
The simplistic answer is to tell parents NOT to buy things therefore the child will learn restraint and eventually acceptance. Bollocks many of us learnt to steal because whether you goodie 2 shoes like it or not ACCEPTANCE into a social group is all you want when you are young. Just go and watch the brutish way the playground is formed and continues to flow and flux. Then visit your local sports club, bar or women’s reading or walking circle and see who is in or out.

Neither of the two issues can be answered with simplistically because both are part of the fabric of a sexist, racist classist society.   Both issues are part and parcel of people’s everyday lives and whilst some young people will rise above and win over their personal experiences not all of us did. Whilst I am not suggesting that we drag our kids through political fire, so as to understand why someone raped them or denied them toys therefore ‘othering’ them,  I do think that psychologists who wank on about such issues need to remind us all that there is no one size fits all and that our personal issues are also poltical. By not doing so we continue to weave a false sense of society and we continue to merely focusing on the personal we create a society devoid of analytical analysis for change. These people have power and they are misusing it and doing people more damage. By

The women who became an addict and abused or allowed her children to be abused has a past and that past is formed just like her children’s within a society that exists on hierarchy’s male dominance over female liberation – women are still being raped NOT because men are biologically rapists but because society still tolerates rape. Crime is created by denying things to our children in a society that sets double stands – deny - deny - deny – but when you are old enough - get a credit card and buy - buy - buy and in so doing become somebody.

THE PERSONAL IS ALWAYS POLITCAL AND THE POLITICAL IS PERSONAL  

Gender benders faggots Bull dykes and the like

     “The Party (Labour) has got to watch that is isn’t just seen as a party of Māori,
       Pacific Islanders and life stylers” Herald 22^nd Sept

It was in fact interesting that I read this about half an hour after having a verbal altercation with medical staff at Waikato hospital. I was there for a routine x-ray of my hip however found myself facing the usual ignorance of gender and sexuality when once again the question of whether I could be pregnant was raised. As per usual I have refused to answer. Why you ask? Well for one if you meet me you would know. Bit mostly I refuse to answer as I am not prepared to buy into the normalised idea that there exists merely two genders.  My gender is as far as I am conernced and has been for 37 years a butch dyke.

Unfortunately for the past 37 years my gender BUTCH DYKE has been marginalised as it does not fit into the genderised box of male / female. No I am neither I am not a women nor a man – my gender sits in the grey area between your dichotomised simplistic rankings.  As per usual the reply I received on sharing this startling information was one I have heard for 37 years ‘I am not interested in your sexuality’ Well honey I was not sharing that I was telling you my gender as defined by me for me.

So what does my X-ray experience have to do with the above statement – everything. See the writer of said statement believes that the Labour Party needs to return to its traditional roots of supporting the workers of this country not those others those ‘life stylers’ aka homosexuals, transgendered peoples and intersex peoples.  And whilst yes I am saying it – it goes without saying the writer is a racist.

I can hear some of my more conservative friends (yes I have a few) moan and decry the place of academics in the political arena. I know some of you think that we make things far too complex, especially when the answers are simple – like Feed the Kids – Workers Rights etc. But seriously is it that hard to think beyond the comment made in the Herald. This seemingly simple comment is a reminder that the Labour Party has been ‘pandering’ to specialist groups and to continue to do so will mean being cast to the opposition benches. But that is crap and I mean BIG CRAP.

See gender ‘transgression’ (a term used by the straight world in a negative way but a term I see in a political positive way) is not something that is unique to the upper classes – gender identity transcends class and race. And whilst many of us are accepted by our whanau – communities etc just as many are not. Our rangatahi, in particular, are often cast into the streets to sell themselves.  Those who make it into traditional working spaces are expected to down play their difference or expect the brunt of employers – workers and the union’s discomfort and jokes. So yes we, those who fall between the binaried notions of male / female are part and parcel of the issues labour is being encouraged to address.

Try going for a job when you look like a me a butch dyke – I can tell you it takes less than 2 minutes to know I am not getting the job – it usually starts with a small gasp as prospective employers  realise that I am NOT MALE. Even today when one expects tolerance and acceptance I find raised eyebrows and distain particularly when I walk with my mokopuna down the street. Apart for the “is that white man your grandfather’ questions, some people still hold some belief that I am a child molester or some such thing because of the way I look.  And do not say I am reading into things – I have had to live with this for 37 years; from extreme situations where people have literally dragged kids out of my arms to the double takes as I play with Nelsena at parks.

So what does this have to do with the political picture we now have in front of us? Lots, see Labour is being reminded that even in the 21^st century holding hands with the freaks is taking a risk and if they wish to come back from the barren lands of the opposition benches they should cast adrift those who make the centre left uncomfortable. If they want another shot at governing then certain groups must not be prominent in their policies.  Social liberalism aka feminism faggots and freaks need to be side-lined for real issues workers’ rights and union matters.

However like all you ‘normal’ people we also have children, need to eat, pay our rent, work and vote. Not all of us can open our own cabaret clubs, or become famous drag kings or queens. And our rangatahi are the most vulnerable if they transgress. It is time for people to understand that it is in the grey areas that those who fight for special justice must act – those who are not fully represented by a system that still relies on old dichotomies black or white – right or wrong – male or female it is between these fixed positions that our people gay / trans / intersex / children / Māori / Pacifica are forced to carve out an existence.

So to all of you that define yourselves as ‘left’ especially all of you associated with the conservative left – you can have your carrot but you cannot have it without us because we exist and we will not be relegated to the margins.  So remember gender is not fixed - it is fluid and we all of us prove this by in fact existing– this might be hard to swallow but is it really that hard not to grasp - – as the old saying goes we are here So GET USED 2 IT!!!!

the herald 23rd 2014

'The party (Labour) has got to watch that it isn't just seen as a party of Māori, pacific Islanders and alternative lifestyles'  

So did you vote for them?

Today I have washed away my tears and returned to the world bolstered by the wonderful messages of hope from MANA people around the motu. Messages that talk of not being defeated - reminders that whilst we have lost a place in the Westminster system, we never relied solely on that system to answer the issues facing our people. However, I must say things have changed in the world.
Years ago I lived with a degree of paranoia and rightfully so - the world hated people like myself - butch dykes. Much of my time was spent avoiding being bashed as I walked the angry streets of Wellington. This was achieved by being over cautious and extremely suspicious of people around me, predominantly straight men and women - actually most of the straight world in the 70's.

So as I stood waiting to order my coffee a loud group of older mostly conservative biddies pushed ahead of me and as I eyed them up and down I could feel their smugness ooze over me, their arrogance that said we certainly now own the world. I hissed loudly enough for them to hear that the war was not over and it might be best if they do not become accustomed to their sense of entitlement.

So my sorrow has been replaced by anger not of those who did not vote or of those who changed their vote at the 11th hour, nor actually of these righteous right-wing punitive racists. See I understand those who did not vote - I get their apathy - I was once apathetic.  I also get those who on election day changed their Party Vote once entering the polling booth - I did the same years ago when I could no longer fathom the direction of the Labour Party, but still voted for them because I was so afraid of a National lead country - fear cripples people.

No it is not them who I am angry at. It is everyone else who looks like they could have voted for change but did not. It is my parents who held such conservative views such anger for the right but ended up voting for them because they believed the country has lost that degree of discipline.  It is people like my parents who if still alive would have decided that whilst National aren’t the best of – they were lesser of two evils.   See my parents would argue that the left have sold out to the commies and the homo’s they would wrap their smarmy acts of charity in fundamentalism - their tokenism towards Māori would only go as far as those Māori who work hard and are not part of the great 'gravy train'. They would not have gone as far as voting for the conservatives as they were too far off but they would have voted national because as working class people they believe in the old discourse of hard work paying off.

So whilst the older brigade have got louder - ordering their cappuccino's and flat whites with far more gusto than should be allowed. The people I am suspicious of are all those who look like my parents you can tell who they are – they are walking around and not meeting the eyes of those they have imposed their punitive policies on. They attend church on Sunday's praying that when they enter the pearly gates the great unwashed (US) will not be present. After years of working hard and having achieved a sense of comfort and they have decided to hold tight to it - at all costs.
So this morning as I ventured out to have coffee at my favourite café, I felt the same nervous sense of suspicion. I felt my eyes roam across the faces of those who I grew up with the conservative working class and wondered 'did you vote for them then?"


 

A day in the life of....

"If racism is something you're sick of hearing about, imagine how exhausting it must be living it every day." – Jon Stewart


One of the most important issues to address, in all colonised countries is racism and I do not say this lightly people.


Yesterday I sat at Waikirikiri Marae, Ruatoki and listened to stories of invasion of the peoples of Taneatua and Ruatoki communities. For those on my FB page who do not know what occurred there then please LEARN about it. As this is the place that the Labour Party had been actively spying on for 5 years. On October 15, 2007 they sent the police in and terrorised the people. The people's experience of that day has come to be labelled as nothing more than 'collateral damage'. The people included Kaumātua - young children coming home from school and men who had been or were working on their farms.




This Pākehā found yesterdays hui filled with much sadness and I came face to face once again with the history of racism. I felt the veil between 2014 and 1860 lift as a kuia spoke of the invasion of the crowns forces.


 
So again I want to encourage all my Pākehā friends to VOTE for change - a change that does not include merely a change the government, but a change that can bring about the annihilation of racism. This is why I encourage all my friends to vote Internet MANA as your party vote in 2014 - if you cannot then ask yourselves if you want history to continue to repeat itself? Is it not time to step up and become the partners that Māori believed us to be under Te Tiriti o Waitangi .
We cannot change the past but we can give all our children the future they deserve.

Vote to change this government

This government has shafted people at the bottom of the economic pile for so long, that when you door knock there is a sense of despondency so deep, that when you offer solutions that will see communities raised from their poverty, some people cannot hear this message, because they are so busy looking after themselves and their own.


The crippling poverty that has left many families struggling was seen first-hand today as I door knocked my area and talked to some very angry people, people who seemed to have lost their sense of community cohesion. This loss I believe comes about because of their impoverished isolation. As I attempted to field demands for help I found that many of my answers were falling on deaf ears. People have been left stranded - scrapped to the bone. Any talk about building stronger self-sufficient communities drew the occasional scoff from people, people I realised who had been there and done that too many times to remember. More than once I was told that they cared little for the community it was them and their family they needed to look out for.


Previously I would have viewed these ‘what about me’ statement as selfish - but not today. There are people in my rohe who are living between nothing and not a hell of a lot. They are people who have found themselves shut out and abandoned not once but many - many times under consecutive governments. They are the people who are last on the hiring list and first to be laid off. when companies need to ensure their investors receive healthy dividends. They are the people who have watched as each election left them scratching around for loose change to pay for essential items.
The first time I experienced this this type of ‘fuk the world’ was at university. As fees increased and my debt grew, I like a lot of other students stopped looking out into the world and connecting the dots. I was too busy trying to stay ahead of the debts and demands. As the government tighten the reigns, our supervises began to demanding that PhD candidates finish sooner rather than later so that the money hovering around our shoulders would fall into their coffers.


Even those of us who were extremely political began to put our heads down eager to finish and leave the country in the hope that we would make some real money. It was not that we did not care – it was that we could not afford to care.

Accumulating debt whether it is student loan – credit debt – or getting behind on the bills - ensures that people stop thinking about others, instead focusing solely on themselves. In so doing, they are less likely to think about others or ways to improve the situation they find themselves in. Over time keeping one’s head down becomes the norm.


So how do we help people lift their heads up and see that they have the power to change the situation they are in, especially those who have seen governments come and go and nothing really changes??? Today it was about not merely focusing on the election. Instead I took a bit more time out to talk to people. Being given a few more minutes seemed to help.


I know we (MANA) are meant to be on the ground running – as the left have a huge job to do and it must be done – but for a few more minutes and some real empathy and a nice cuppa tea, I felt that I saw people not just voters today. I even suggested to one woman that instead of yelling at me she might like to come along one day and yell at Paula Bennett – with me - if need be.
The government has created such levels of disparity and in that disparity some people have found themselves so isolated that they have given up. However, in some cases a few minutes of my time and some rude jokes about Pulled-A-Benefit and ShonKey can help lift a smile and maybe – just maybe one more visit will see some – if not all head to the polls this election….and as I said to one women – if you cannot really bring yourself to give your party vote to Internet MANA - then please make sure you vote left to ensure we get rid of this government!!!!




MANA UP MANA HARD People